Ugh! I know it’s barely been over 2 weeks, but this WAIT! The paper-chase is the hardest part for me because I feel so close and yet… the paperwork, schedules, communication, and even other adopting families, all work to stand in the way of moving forward. Don’t get me wrong, I know it’s all neccessary, but it’s not how I operate. I’m a get it done person. And waiting on other people does not feel like anything is being done. It’s even harder knowing that our babies are probably already “in existence” and out there somewhere right now, just waiting. Waiting to be given a chance at life. Waiting for us. 

I know no one will be reading this right now, but I still wanted to share some thoughts for the future of where we are right now. So my ob/gyn appointment is next Wednesday and this is a big appointment because it is where my doctor has to run tests, an ultrasound, etc. and sign off that there are no contraindications to pregnancy. Meaning, that they don’t see any reason why I can’t carry to term. If I’m honest, it’s a little unnerving for me, but I trust God. I said to Mike, with the finances, with the transfer and the implantation and the pregnancy, I know God is in control. And I know that if He brought us TO it, He will bring us THROUGH it. 

The remarkable thing for me is the healing that is taking place in my heart. I mean, I truly had healed in many ways in regards to trying to conceive and all that and a lot of it, God did through me becoming a mother. But a whole other level of healing has begun to take place in the years of heartache and waiting….because now they mean something even more. Now they specifically had a purpose. I know some may feel like I’m reaching, but I believe that God was preparing and saving my womb for THIS purpose. To save a life. Now that I can see this other side, I can see that I was kind of like David. In the midst of my fields. Now with that revelation taking flight in my heart, I feel such a freedom and a joy in the suffering I endured. It was all for this moment. These little ones. Wow, what a great God we serve!

When He brought Cady into our lives, I didn’t think there was any way He could top He great works, but He has amazed me again. His plans are perfect and are continually so much better than the ones we scramble for. Thank you God that you are writing a story that is bigger than me! .

Maybe that’s what I need to learn in this waiting period of the paper-chase.., .that He has healing for me here. A time to BE STILL. A time to really look back and reflect on the great wonders He has done. 

“I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.” Psalm 139:14 :

Maybe that’s my lesson, is that there is healing in the wait…..